Going to the movies can be a terrifying experience, one that you'll often describe to friends, loved ones, and barbers-you-can't-think-of-anything-to-talk-about-with as "harrowing", "an ordeal", "confusing", and "popcorn fart inducing." Since movie studios only see fit to advertise films on TV with suddenly-much-louder-volume, quaint voice clips on the radio, annoying (often interstitial) Internet Flash animations, the sides of buses, and by paying off your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/caddy/therapist/sidewalk taco vendor, it's become more and more difficult in this disconnected age to know what films are playing and what they're about without having to drive to the megaplex and read the sign while rearending people in front of you because you weren't paying attention to the road.
Lucky for you, then, that I couldn't think of anything else to wri...uhhh, I mean, lucky for you, then, that Whiskey Pie is here to inform you of and also summarize upcoming films. I will attempt to make each description so succinct and coherent that you can use the following as responses to the elderly greeter at your local Walmart.
Ghost Town This movie answers the questions that have been on our minds since the ending of Ghostbusters 2: "where did Slimer grow up??" and "what was his childhood like in his ghostly hometown??"
Igor From the creators of I'm Not There, in which various actors and actresses played Bob Dylan throughout his life, comes Igor, which does the same for Igor Stravinsky. Those tackling the role this time out include Kevin Bacon, Heath Ledger's corpse (too soon??), Billy Crystal, Jack White and Jack Black in one of those two-person horse costumes, and Amanda Bynes.
My Best Friend's Girl Industry insiders promise that this movie will do for the Cars what Mamma Mia! did for ABBA.
Miracle At St. Anna A spiritual drama based on the true story of one of those times somebody in a no-name place found a potato chip or oil spill or scab with the Virgin Mary's likeness on it.
Nights In Rodanthe Sorry, I started thinking about Rodan there. You know, Rodan?? Godzilla nemesis and sometime-partner...?? Anyway, I think Nights In Rodanthe is about old people crying a lot, and standing together on the beach where it's artfully implied they're going to have sex soon by cutting to footage of the waves flooding the moat of a child's abandoned sandcastle.
Eagle Eye This romantic comedy stars Adam Sandler as a man born with the powerful vision of an eagle, thus getting him into all sorts of hijinks with the fairer sex. 'Beak' careful not to miss it!!
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