Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Spoilers From A Guy Who Hasn't Played Or Seen The Following Things

BioShock??
I heard that your character's new friend, Tyler, is actually the same person as him. Pretty crazy, huh?? And you don't see it coming. Unless you read the novel, I guess.
The Happening??
I read on a message board that the twist in this M. Night Shymalamalamb movie is that Mark Wahlberg's character's friend, who you see murdered in the beginning of the movie, is actually alive and behind the terrorist group who highjacked the nuclear weapon. Also, his wife didn't die of cancer, he killed her with a pillow to put her out of her misery.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull??
A friend of a friend who ran the projector for an advanced screening in Geogre Lucas's private Skywalker Ranch told my gynecologist's hairdresser that Indiana Jones is actually an android. In fact, all the characters in the movie are androids even though most of them think they're human and have even formed a police force known as 'blade runners' to find and eliminate them. Oh, and the motorcycle that Shia LeBouf rides in the movie is actually a Transformer.
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots??
I know a guy who works at EB Games, and who took a copy home a week ago to play it, and he said that you find out three hours into the game that Snake's real name is Clancy Fillrump. The entire game is a lie told in a dream to you, the player, by series creator Hideo Kojima, who is himself a dream of the Fayth. For those wondering, Raiden is the Fayth's physical manifestation in our world, though his true form is not of a skinny, effeminate Japanese man-boy but of the lightning shootin' dude from the Mortal Kombat series. Finally, the titular Patriots, an enduring mystery in the MGS series, will turn out to be a red herring because they refer literally to the Founding Fathers of the Revolutionary War, and were used by Revolver Ocelot to confuse everyone even further.

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