Showing posts with label beer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beer. Show all posts

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Beer Wars

For many years, and probably still true for many people, documentaries were seen as something that had to be objective, unbiased, and informative only. But thanks to famous releases like The Thin Blue Line and Michael Moore's films, documentaries have become better known as what amount to filmic essays, if not polemics, which strive to inform, entertain, and most of all to subtly or overtly attempt to prove a point. Most modern documentaries can be divided into preaching to the choir (Super High Me), strident propaganda that convinces no one and angers the rest (Religulous), or oddly fascinating glimpses into worlds you never knew existed (Fast, Cheap and Out of Control).


Beer Wars is somewhere between those three, though this will depend heavily on your foreknowledge of the beer industry in America. I don't hate the big American breweries, but I do normally buy microbrews, largely because I like to sample new beers I've never tried. This is more a matter of taste than some kind of ethical standard, but I suppose that is one of the points of the film: big American breweries have watered down and McDonald-ized what a beer is or can be, feeding Americans commercials (or propaganda, if you want to put it that way) for decades. Even now when someone says something about “a tall frosty one”, I still picture the idealized pale yellow glass of beer seen in so many Bud Light commercials, sweating perfectly, undoubtedly ice cold and refreshing.

As I said, how this documentary comes off will depend on how much you know about the beer industry, but also what kind of beers you like. Assuming you're like some ex-co-workers of mine and you think anything heavier or with more flavor than Bud Light is gross and undrinkable, you'll see Beer Wars as the sad sack tale of various microbreweries who are whining about how they can't compete with the big boys. Likewise, assuming you're like me, and you only drink beer from the big American companies when you can't afford the good stuff or you're at a party and it's all that's available, then you may enjoy this documentary a great deal more. If nothing else, it is a fascinating study in how marketing dollars and rampant, greedy business practices can attempt to stamp out the little guys even though they pose far less threat than other major competitors. Parallels to the business practices of Wal Mart and Microsoft abound. Seeing how Anheuser-Busch goes after a caffeine infused microbrew with their own version just to make sure they can compete in even the smallest sectors of the beer market is depressing or infuriating. Or both. You'll also learn quite a bit about how the beer industry works, and how the various laws and regulations seem purposefully set up to make it as hard as possible for anyone to go up against the big guys.


Most touchingly, Beer Wars shows the human side of the industry, with the agonies and in-it-for-the-love-of-the-game satisfaction of microbreweries and their founders on display. While the juxtaposition of these people against the “no comment” monoliths and bullshit PR-speak of the major breweries seems like a deliberate and cheap way to force audience sympathy one way or the other, you could argue it's the reality and facts of the situation which do this more than the filmmaker's intent. Anat Baron makes for an interesting director/documentarian, but the smartest and most persuasive thing in Beer Wars is something she couldn't have possibly planned. In one scene near the end, Dogfish Head brewery founder Sam Calagione receives a legal threat from Anheuser-Busch based on Dogfish's use of the highly specific terms “chicory stout” and “Punkin ale”, beers they had made for years. It wasn't enough for AB to release a pumpkin beer; they apparently wanted to be able to use the term “punkin” as well.

As with Beer Wars itself, either you agree this is an outrage and shouldn't even happen in a just world, or you shrug and go back to your crappy beer, thinking that capitalist competition is the only ethical standard by which actions should be judged. If someone can do it for less money, well, them's the breaks, and they should be allowed to. My reply would be this: wait until something like this affects you personally, and then you may not be so quick to dismiss these underdog microbreweries. Or their delicious, delicious beer.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The 1UP Yours Drinking Game

Yes, it's time for another drinking game. You may remember the Guided By Voices drinking game I came up with. Maybe you even tried it?? Whatever. Be that way. Today I'm going to list the rules for the 1UP Yours podcast, which along with being a really entertaining videogame podcast also features some of the drinking-est hosts around.
Seriously.
Before I get to the rules, note that the traditional, accepted way to play this drinking game is with the whiskey or scotch of your choice, as well as whatever beer you have lying around. When I say "take a shot" you, well, take a shot of liquor or take a healthy swallow of scotch (assuming you drink it straight or on the rocks, that is...you could do shots if you want to). When I say "take a drink", that means you take a healthy swallow of beer. When I say "finish your drink" that means that you finish off the beer you currently have open. With that out of the way...

--As soon as the music ends and Garnett says his first line, take a drink.
--If at any point someone says "weekend confirmed" or there is talk about a possible confirmation of said weekend, take a shot.
--If there's a British person on the show, take a drink when they're either introduced or you hear their first line, whichever comes first.
--Whenever Shane mentions seeing a game or getting to play a game but he can't talk about it yet, finish your drink.
--If there's an ex-1UP staff member or on-their-way-out 1UP staff member on the show, take a drink at the beginning of the show.
--If Garnett mispronounces a word, uses the wrong word, or slurs his speech, take a shot.
--If the show is over two hours in length, go get a glass of water at the one hour mark. You'll thank me later.
--If they are doing a '4 Minute Warning' segment, finish your drink.
--Whenever Garnett has to explain how people have misrepresented his comments, and that he actually doesn't hate a game or isn't down on it, take a shot.
--At the break between segments, take two drinks.
--If Shane says anything along the lines of the follow phrases, take a shot: "I'm a huuuge fan of..."; if he says anything is the "secret best..." anything ever; any talk of something being over or underrated.
--If Andrew 'Skip' Pfister gets on the mic, you hear him talking in the background, or someone refers to him (particularly with the words "on the wheels of steel"), take a drink.
--If, in the process of fondly remembering something, Garnett refers to it as "the shit", take a drink.
--If a British or other foreign personage is on the show, every time you can't understand a word they said, take a drink.
--If Shane or Garnett aren't on the show, take a shot. If they're BOTH missing, take a shot and finish your drink.
--During the news segment, if they're doing NPD numbers, finish your drink.
--At the end of the show, when someone (usually Garnett) says "we are ghost" take a shot. If they forget to say it, take two shots.
Garnett and Shane and alcohol and microphones

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Guided By Voices Drinking Games

Look, we all know that Guided By Voices are pretty awesome. Were pretty awesome. Anyway, we know that they're pretty awesome, but they sound that much better when you're drunk. Main Voice Robert Pollard, a retired school teacher, seemed to feel the same, because GBV shows were notorious for being 2 to 3 hour spectacles of intoxication and ass kicking rock music. In the spirit of the band, I now present two versions of the Guided By Voices drinking game.

Version 1
Get yourself a copy of The Electrifying Conclusion DVD and try to keep up with Robert Pollard's drinking. Keep in mind that he takes the stage with a beer or two under his belt already. If you're going to do this semi-authentically, you'll have to buy some beer, champagne, and (I'm assuming he's doing shots of whiskey) whiskey to match him as closely as possible.

Version 2
Dig out any GBV album, single, EP, compilation. Listen to it with some beer and a bottle of the hard liquor of your choice for shots.
--Take a drink whenever the song is about a relationship, or at least seems like it could be.
--Do a shot whenever someone other than Robert Pollard sings.
--Take a drink whenever you listen to a song with a patented bizarre GBV title. Note that for certain albums, like Bee Thousand, you will be getting drunk pretty fast.
--Do two shots whenever a song mentions anything to do with alcohol. Note that if you're listening to Isolation Drills you might pass out.
--Take a drink when a song is longer than 3 minutes.
--Do a shot when a song is less than a minute.
--If you find yourself singing--slurring??--along, finish your drink.
--If you realize you're accidentally listening to a Robert Pollard side project or solo album and didn't notice any difference, do a shot.
--Assuming you're listening to Do The Collapse, if you catch yourself thinking "you know, it's not that bad of an album after all" do two shots. Note that this doesn't apply to the song 'Teenage FBI' which is secretly one of the best things they ever recorded.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

You totally shouldn't drink Steel Reserve


One of the warning signs that your drinking is out of control is that you stop drinking things because they taste good, or at least don't taste awful, and start drinking them because they're cheap and have a good ratio of alcohol per volume. So, Steel Reserve. It's a beer that somehow tastes warm even when it's freezing cold. And with that warmth comes a flavor that I would describe as what it tastes like when you pour half a shot of cheap whiskey into a bottle of Miller Light. In short, not very good.

The problem, or the promise, comes in the fact that it has 8.1% alcohol content. And a 12 pack is only like 6 bucks--it's a win/win situation for serious drinkers. However, that comes at the price of your health and stomach. I've never had a hangover from beer, but I did when I drank some Steel Reserve.

Yet...it calls to me.

I got drunk on it the other night and watched Commando while flexing my muscles with my shirt off. Then I fought an entire armored division with a toothpick as my only ally and weapon.

Steel Reserve makes me feel like a god and you should totally fucking drink some.